(WTNH) Readers have recently been criticizing my choice of headlines for some of my web articles; they claim they’re designed to make people click on the link without the story actually living up to the headline.
To these people, I say two things: 1) I hope you’re enjoying your first time on the internet, and 2) I’ll have you know the headline you see on this story is backed up by scientific proof out the wazoo, so to speak.
Local scientific proof! Researchers at Quinnipiac University in Hamden have found that people who use communal bathrooms — such as those in a college dormitory or in homes with large families — have traces of fecal matter on their toothbrushes. That’s disturbing, of course, but even more disturbing is that there really isn’t much you can do about it, except maybe stop brushing your teeth, or for you and everyone you know to stop going Number 2 anywhere in the same county where you park your toothbrush.
The problem is flushing, as it turns out. While most of the business goes around and down, flushing makes some little invisible things go up and out, onto your toothbrush or anything else that happens to be nearby.
Or not nearby.
The Quinnipiac study (which collected its data from communal bathrooms used by its students and which I predict will not help increase enrollment) is just the most recent probe into this fecal phenomenon. The guys on the TV show “MythBusters” took a crack at it, and their results will really bowl you over.
They left dozens of toothbrushes in a bathroom — rinsing them every day — and for a control group, they put two others in a place far away from the bathroom. All of them ended up sporting fecal matter, even the two that had never been in any bathroom anywhere!
So the good news is, you don’t have to blame yourself and your dubious hygiene practices; there’s poop particles everywhere!
The little buggers — which a friend of mine once named “farticles” — are like neutrinos or the Higgs Field or the Kardashians — they’re found throughout nature, whether they were invited or not. Now you know why mom always told you to close the lid before you flush. But here’s the thing: that doesn’t help, either! Fish gotta swim, birds gotta fly, and so, apparently, does fecal matter.
My advice is to put this info behind you, move things along, and forget you ever clicked on that headline.