Dr. Patty Ann Tublin’s Tuesday Tips for Success for work and your social life

(WTNH) — Dr. Patty Ann Tublin is answering your questions on how to get a handle on your work and social life during the hectic holiday season.

Q: Jason from Milford: “There is a woman I work with whom I find really attractive and I want to ask her out on a date. but with all the sexual harassment stories in the news, I don’t know if I should. Can you please help me because I really like her.”

A: First, you must find out what your company policy is (if they even have one) about dating colleagues.  Some companies do not allow you to date people you work with; other companies don’t allow you to date people if you work in the same department – but they allow you to date people in other departments – so you need to find this out. If your company allows you to date, let people know you are dating. You may want to consider putting in writing that you are dating. This way if you break up, you can avoid misconception.

Q:Heather from Orange: “I had my annual review two weeks ago and although I had a great performance review, I did not get the bonus I was hoping for. What should I do?”

A: First, ask yourself these questions: Do you know the criteria used for determining bonuses in your company?” Is it based on your individual performance? your department’s performance, the company’s overall performance? or a combination of all three? Once you have this information, and you still believe you were underpaid, you need to write down on a piece of paper all the information that you believe justifies the bonus you believe you deserve. Clearly and as objectively as possible, connect your work performance, i.e., projects worked on, revenue targets you exceeded, etc and show how it increased your company’s bottom line. When the timing is right, ask for a meeting with the person who determines your bonus and have an objective, fact-based meeting. This is not about how you feel, so keep your emotions out of the conversation. This is about how your performance, factually, increased company revenue.

Q: Veronica from New London: “I am so stressed out getting everything ready for the holidays. Can you help me de-stress?”

A: First, take a deep breathe. When we are stressed we tend to not breathe completely. Deeply breathing in and deeply breathing out will oxygenate your entire body and help keep you centered. Prioritize yourself care, meaning make sure you work out, eat right, and get enough sleep. Don’t be afraid to let others help you. You don’t have to do everything yourself!

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